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Monday, August 17, 2009

Which Way Do I Go?

This may be a long post--and it may ramble quite a bit. I have a lot of thoughts running around in my head which I'm going to attempt to put down here. We'll see how successful I am. You may have noticed that it's been a couple of weeks since I last posted. Or maybe you didn't notice--perhaps I overestimate my importance in your life. ;-) There are a few reasons--my youngest daughter Lauren is pregnant with her third child--due on August 28. However, her doctor scheduled her for an induction this coming Friday, then rescheduled for tomorrow. As of last Thursday, the baby is over eight pounds! Lauren had spinal fusion surgery when she was 16 because of scoliosis and thus cannot have an epidural. In addition to a new baby coming to our family, this Friday night, we are hosting a rehearsal dinner BBQ for anywhere from 30 to 100 people. Our only son is getting married on Saturday! So we've had a lot to do getting things ready.

The main reason for my not posting has little to do with the things I've mentioned above and all the busyness that's been going on. It has to do more with me. Lately, I've been reading several posts on other blogs about why we blog. And it's given me pause. I've really been pondering why I blog and what I want my blog to be--what do I want out of it.

Lauren actually set up my blog. She had one of her own and really thought I would enjoy having my own. One day I checked my email and she had sent me a notice that she had set up The Beverly Buzz. I was intimidated to say the least. I'm not computer phobic, but I am not an expert by any stretch of the imagination.

At the point where I published my first post, I was very apprehensive. What in the world could I have to say that anyone would be interested in reading?? I'm not a good journal keeper--I want to write down my honest feelings, but don't want to hurt anyone by something they might read. If I could have an anonymous blog, that would be ideal! I knew Lauren would be reading what I wrote--and other family members might. Then friends and people I attend church with. Could I be myself knowing people close to me were reading what might turn out to be intimate thoughts?

So--what did I want my blog to be? A journal? A place to vent? That's the direction I was heading the first few months. Then I started exploring and found other blogs. Some I wasn't interested in--some I was VERY interested in. Those were women who enjoyed the same things I do--decorating, thrifting, repurposing furniture, etc. I started to link up with them and share the items I found at yard sales and Goodwill. I showed off how I had fixed things up and blessed my home. And I started getting comments. And followers! What a rush! Talk about feeding my ego! I guess one of my "love languages" is words of encouragement. To think that someone I have never met could appreciate something I had done and took the time to tell me! I thrived on comments.

Then one time I linked up with a blog and showed off our minor kitchen redo. I could tell by the map on the sidebar that lots of people were viewing that particular post. But comments? Zero. Zip. Nada. Except for a couple from family and close friends. I wasted a weekend being in a deep dark funk--all because people I didn't even know and would probably never meet didn't seem to like my kitchen! How ridiculous! I even stopped following a blog I really enjoyed because the owner had been blogging about half the time I had and she already had hundreds of followers! I was jealous! Is that not pathetic?

So now I'm back to square one. What do I hope to gain from continuing my blog? After doing a little unofficial research, I've found the blogs I enjoy the most are a hodgepodge of different posts. One day it might be thrift store finds. The next something funny from their kids. Another day might bring an emotional post regarding a sad or heartfelt experience. That's what I want! I want each post to be a surprise for the reader. I want to be honest and open. I want to not worry about what the reader might think. Though there may be times when I change the names to protect the guilty!

I enjoy being thought of as funny. But it's hard to be up and funny all the time. Sometimes that keeps me from posting. I just don't have that much energy. So I'm not going to put that pressure on myself. I may be funny sometimes, other times I may be a drag. But I hope to always be myself. After all, that's all I can be, right?

12 comments:

Susan B said...

Wow what a week you have ahead!! bless your heart .. wish I lived near you to help..
Know you are excited and a little anxious about the impending arrival of the little one.. I will pray for your family.
And a wedding! all in one week..
As my youngest son tells me ..keep your head up and hang on..

Holly said...

Beverly,

If there is anything that I can do to help you out just give me a call. I am more than willing to help you with your heavy burden. Keeping you in my prayers and for Lauren on the birth of the baby.

5L's said...

i love this post! i have wondered where you've been but figured it was the family blog or other private one. i like to hear about the real you and i don't expect every post to be funny or thrifty...i love the variety like you say...that's life. :) i actually hate reading blogs that every post is lined in sugar...makes me wanna hurl, lol!

wow, you've really got a lot on the mind now that they moved the induction up!!! i was able to get holly very quickly and easily to watch my kids for the appt so i hope that eases your mind a wee little bit.

let me know where i can help!

oliveoyl64 said...

Beverly is a fabulous name, as it is also my mother's name.

I came about your blog in the recent past and I quite enjoy it. My own blog is "random thoughts" and although I seldom post, it is an outlet for me when I have no one else to listen to my ramblings. I didn't start my blog with high expectations of readership, but I do have my few loyal followers and commentors.

Hang in there and keep blogging, it is a great outlet and you will find your loyal "fan" base.

Olive

Tamara said...

good idea...always be yourself! That's who we all love anyway--the sassy, smart, witty, full of life, laughter, and always looking her best! How else would we want you to be? That's what I love about you! I am always thrilled to read what you have to say! I rarely go to blogs and leave comments these days, b/c I subscribe to Google Reader and I keep up with TONS of blogs that way, so it is hard to post on all of them...but I'm trying to be better!

I know Lauren will be okay--Heavenly Father is watching over her and her family! Congrats to Clay, and I hope it all goes well. As far as your party goes--give 'em hell, girl! I mean...have a HELLOFA time!

And I thought I was a busy woman...you got me beat!

Scrappy Doo said...

Nice to have ya back!
Wow, You have alot of joyus things going !
Congrats on both parts
A new baby and a dtr-n-law
I had the same problem (whats a blog for?)
For me it's almost a sounding board, journal, photo album and a way to escape
Plus I have found some really nice people here, such as yourself! :-}
Blessings to you and yours
ps glad your ok I was starting to wonder

Sharon said...

First let me say I am sorry. I enjoy reading your blogs and usually check them every day but don't comment. Most of the time for the same reason. Some one might read it and think it was stupid. I promise from now on when I read one I will make a comment. It may be a short one but it will be on there. Please continue to blog I love to read them!!!!!
I hope everything else will get better. You are in my prayers.

Lauren said...

I meant to tell you this earlier, but got a little busy. I LOVE your blog, and I think it's supercool having a mom whose blog is better than mine. I love the randomness and getting to know you in different ways. Just don't stop blogging!

The Traylor's said...

Love it. Someone once told me that I bragged on my son too much. I started laughing. It's mine, I can do whatever I want with it. I think part of the fun is to watch them evolve. When I first started it was just to post pictures of my baby so my family far away could keep up. As time has gone on I've become a lot more detailed, and I want to write more just thoughts and memories. Especially once Laura showed me how to convert it into a book, then I really decided that this is the easiest way for me to keep record of things that are important to me and that I want my little ones to someday be able to read. (PS. I sometimes have a hard time leaving comments, then get frustrated and give up)

Eric and Rozanne said...

I really enjoy reading your blog too. I too like the variety of things in a blog. I think you do that already though. I hope all went well with your wedding and baby birth.

Eric and Rozanne said...

I really enjoy reading your blog too. I too like the variety of things in a blog. I think you do that already though. I hope all went well with your wedding and baby birth.

Eric and Rozanne said...

I really enjoy reading your blog too. I too like the variety of things in a blog. I think you do that already though. I hope all went well with your wedding and baby birth.

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