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Wednesday, April 11, 2012

6

Six years ago today, our oldest child unexpectedly passed away.  The raw grief is gone--most of the time.  What's left is a dull ache.  As much as I'd like to, I don't communicate my feelings--in real life or here--though I've tried several times.  It's so hard to open one's self up like that.  I envy those who can.  I think they heal faster.  How I wish I'd had my blog back when it first happened.  I like to think it would have been easier to write down my feelings, my sorrow, my regrets, my sweet memories.  Who knows if I'd found the courage or not?  And just maybe your comments would have soothed and comforted this mother's heart.  And just maybe I'd be in a better place on this day.   I'm trying--and I'm getting better.  But I've a feeling it's going to take a lifetime.




6 comments:

Shawn said...

There are no words. I know you know this. Thinking of you and hoping that with time all that is left is the feeling of love and not pain.

Joyce said...

So very sorry for your tremendous loss. Praying God give you a peace that surpasses all human understanding.

Never Enough Orange said...

Has it been six years already? Man, it just doesn't seem that long ago. She would have been such a great Aunt to all the kids.

Kathy ... aka Nana said...

There is no pain like the pain of a parent losing a child ... no one who hasn't been in our shoes can comprehend the extent of that pain. I'm praying that you will continue to find comfort. {{{hug}}}

Connie said...

I am sure it will always be painful when this date rolls around. I think you have expressed yourself pretty well on your blog. I can't imagine what kind of pain it must be for you and your family, but having an eternal perspective must be of some comfort because you KNOW you will be with her again someday.

Many hugs to you my friend.

The Borders said...

Shana- we miss you.
Beverly- (after all these years it is still strange for me to call you that)- I think of your family many times throughout the year. I know you miss her terribly. Writing those feelings down when it first happens is next to impossible...it is way to painful at the beginning. Shana's perspective has changed now and I bet she is doing well. I agree with you- it will probably take a lifetime to completely understand and learn how to live with your loss, but I hope that as time goes by, it will continue to lessen your pain, making it easier to embrace her memory. I pray that they bad days will be farther apart and the good will shine through. You've always had a special place in my heart and I know she has 10x's on me!

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