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Tuesday, April 13, 2010

More of My Dysfunctionality

Yes, I totally made up that word.  You have my permission to add it to your vocabulary.  You're welcome.

Okay, these next items I'm working on.  They are incorrect beliefs and I know that.  I also have a good idea of why I think these things.  What I don't know is how to change them.  Maybe you can help with that.

1.  I have to be perfect all the time in all things and in everything I do.  I have to look as good as I can before I can go anywhere.  My house has to be perfect before anyone can come over.  My children have to look and behave perfectly at all times.  Our family must present a good image always.  If I'm not perfect, I'm not worthy and not lovable.

2.  If I attempt something and fail, I am a failure in all aspects of my life.

3.  I am not worthy of the better things in life.  I settle most of the time because I don't deserve better.

4.  If people could see into my heart and know the real me, they wouldn't like me.  I need to make others like me, even if it means putting on an act sometimes. 

5.  I must not be a good mother because my children don't always make good choices in their lives.  If I had done a better job of raising them, they wouldn't have any problems now as adults.

There ya go.  More of my warpedness (another made up word).  Feel free to pick me apart--but be nice, I'm sensitive. ;-)

8 comments:

Shawn said...

You're brave. It takes great courage to be real. Thank you!

Connie said...

Well, i am no professional by any means so i won't give any solutions to any of your personal challenges. But what I can say, the Beverly I have gotten to know through your blog is someone i think i could be best friends with. There seems to be a realness about you that comes through your words but at the same time some vulnerability (sp?)too. I think the purpose of our lives is not to become perfect in an imperfect world but to be striving, learning, experiencing, challenging ourselves and so much more all the time. I know I can get mired down in my weaknesses and not appreciate my strengths and I believe that Satan wants us to feel unworthy. In fact he relishes seeing us discouraged. Sometimes I have to tell myself, "Self, don't give him (satan) the power to take away your joy.

Believe me, I don't have the answers. I hope you can find the answers you are looking for to find that peace that is there waiting for you. Maybe forgiving yourself for not being perfect and rejoice in those things you have conqured in your life.

Lighten up sister, I think you are terrific. I hope to someday meet you in person and be able to give you a big {{{{{HUG}}}}}.

erikab said...

number four is clayton and it drives me crazy. by the way, everybody likes him once he'll finally decide to open up and talk to them...maybe you're the same

Aunt Amelia's Attic said...

I think you are amazing, for sharing all these things.

I'd never pick you apart. All I want for you, is for you to find your way to your best place, so to speak. Same as I want, for myself. And for everyone.

Thank you for sharing these things. You help us to do our own "looking inside."

Gentle hugs...

6L's said...

thanks for sharing. :) i think going through hard and uncomfortable things is when i learn/recognize the most about myself and can then work on changing it. i'm certainly no pro!

6L's said...

forgot to say...you really ought to come to the self nurture classes with me once a month...so great!!

momof3girls said...

you are always so real - I love that about your blog! Great post - I feel like a failure to once a month when the hormones hit me hard!

Mary said...

Aren't those things that we all struggle with? And, it's human nature to look at other people and think that they have it all together.

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