The Good, The Bad, and The ????

The Good:

One of my favorite things is to find a wonderful surprise in the mail--and last week I hit the jackpot!  I wasn't expecting anything but maybe bills and those political postcards that generally get tossed in the trash with hardly a glance--but that's a post for another day.  My sweet bloggy friend Connie at Shady Creek Lane makes the purtiest stuff--things with vinyl lettering, makeovers of Goodwill finds, blocks, frames, and canvases.  Her ingenuity constantly amazes me.  Anyway, lately she's added something new.  Washer necklaces.  When I saw one with leopard print and a crown charm, I knew it must be mine.  Guess I bugged her enough about purchasing it, that she mailed it to me!  I love it!  Thank you so much, Connie!  It did come with a little string attached and I'll take care of that before long.  Here's a little pic so you can envy me....

Don't ya love it?!

Lauren and her kids went home Friday a week ago (if you know when that is, you might have a little Southern blood running through your veins).  Then two days later, our other daughter Holly came to visit with her youngest Alexander.  Here's his cute face, just because I can never get enough of it....

The Bad:

From my teens, I have suffered from depression.  Thursday, I started feeling myself beginning that downward spiral into the dark well that is all too familiar.  I could feel it happening--and sometimes I can do things to try and stop it--but this time I just sank into it.  Different things bring on these feelings of failure and worthlessness.  This episode was of my own making.  I asked an honest and open friend a question I really wanted an answer to (or so I thought).  Her honesty made me look long and hard at myself and as usual I came up short.  And in this instance, it's too late to do anything about what I did or didn't do in the past. 

Before you say, that's in the past, leave it there.  Or you can't do anything about the past--only the present and the future.  Or forget yourself and serve others.   Know that my head knows these things, and in lucid moments, they make sense.  But when I'm falling into the well, that advice is beyond me.  Just getting out of bed takes all my energy.  And the thing I asked my friend about was weighing so very heavily on my heart and is so important to me, that I couldn't focus on anything else.  I wanted to post about how I was feeling, but just couldn't put it into words without sounding completely pathetic. 

Let me just ask this---when growing up, did you ever say 'when I'm an adult/wife/mother I want to accomplish this one goal' or 'I want this one thing to happen when I'm grown'?  And one day you realize that you didn't meet that goal and now it's too late and it's more than likely never going to happen. 

I'm doing better today.  Yesterday was a good day at church--I'll try to share some of that later in the week. 

The ????:

Do you dream?  Do you remember your dreams?  Do you give your dreams credence?  I answer yes to all 3 questions.

The other night, I dreamed I was in a bed in what appeared to be a hospital ward.  Long, narrow room with beds lining both walls.  There was a nice woman in the bed to my right and we struck up a conversation.  She seemed rather nervous, especially when someone would walk down the aisle between the rows of beds.  I finally asked her why she was so frightened and she answered that she was afraid of Death.

About that time, a figure in a long dark cape and hood came walking toward us.  The woman next to me stiffened until the figure looked at us.  It was a beautiful blond woman, who smiled and went on.  We were so intent on her that we missed the figure behind her--another dark cape and hood.  This figure stopped between our beds and spoke quietly to the woman beside me.  I realized this was Death and she (yes, I felt it was a female) was taking my new friend.  I bid her goodbye and told her how nice it had been getting to know her.  As they were leaving, Death looked back at me and said "I've come for you, too, sweetie".  Without fear, I just answered "oh, okay" and got up to join them.

Then I woke up.  What's your interpretation?