Now I Know How Those Gremlins Felt!

Remember that 80s movie "Gremlins" and how the guy demolished one by putting it in the microwave?  That's the feeling I've been having several times a night lately!  Like I'm being cooked from the inside out.  This 'perimenopause' is for the birds!  Here's how my nights have been going:  bed about 10pm, watch a couple of episodes of "Golden Girls"--love that Sophia!--finally fall asleep around 11.  Wake up about an hour later feeling like a lit match head.  Throw all the covers off and eventually go back to sleep.  Anywhere from 15 to 45 minutes later, wake up freezing and pull covers back up.  Repeat every hour or so till time to get up.  AARRGGHH!!  Not fun!

And from what I understand, it's not gonna end anytime soon.  So we won't even talk about the depression, mood swings, and weight gain! I think Archie Bunker has the right idea!

It's a little long, but make sure you watch the last couple of minutes if nothing else!
Is it getting hot in here or is it just me?

Crap!

Sorry if that title offended you. That's the only word I could think of to express the way I'm feeling right now!

Apparently, there's a list out there titled "Beverly is old and here's the proof". Let's just take a peek at it. Last year I hit the big 5-0. I recently had a physical and received the ultimate package in the prodding and poking department. I now qualify for those two annual tests which shall remain nameless. To add insult to injury, I found out today that I have high cholesterol. After doing some internet research, I've found the best way to combat this latest news is--drum roll--more exercise and healthier eating habits. Duh!

More exercise isn't that hard. I actually like to work out and sweat. I recently bought a couple of yoga DVDs that I really enjoy. I put on exercise clothes and tennis shoes as soon as I get up to help motivate me. Sometimes that works, sometimes not.

Eating healthier. That's a problem. I'm pretty picky. What I should be eating is lots of veggies and fruits, whole grains, and beans. I hate beans--except green beans and sugar snap peas. I especially hate legumes--navy beans, pintos, etc. Yuck! I can stomach them sometimes if I put enough ketchup on them. Most fruits are okay, but vegetables are another story. The ones I prefer aren't the ones I should eat (read starchy).

Worst of all--cut down on refined sugar! That makes up most of my diet!

Okay, I'm done. That'll be my rant for the week. I have a poem I found in high school that applies to just about every aspect of life (both large and small) and this is no exception.

I can't go on.
I mean I can't go on.
I really can't go on.
I swear I can't go on.

So I guess I'll get up
and go on.

Cold Feet and Hot Flashes

For almost 40 years now, I've had a friend who comes to visit every month. I call him Fred. That's not his real name, but it's an easier name to say than his real one. Fred has never been very punctual (sort of has his own schedule) and I never know how long he'll stay. His appearance is not always convenient or welcome, but there has been more than one occasion when I was overwhelmed with relief that he showed up! Too often his arrival is painful; however, if I have chocolate handy, it's more bearable.

I have not really needed Fred for many years, but he still shows up. Usually at a time when I least want him around. I think he's starting to realize my antipathy for him, as he is beginning to allow more time between visits. Sometimes he shows up just when I think he's never coming back. Instead of coming himself, though, he's sending his friends. I don't really know their names, but I have to call them something, so I'm appealing to you for help to think of what that should be. Maybe if I describe them, that'll help you decide.

One of them steals in mainly at night to wake me up. I'm sleeping soundly when all of a sudden this slight burning sensation begins in my mid-section. Before I know it, that feeling has spread quickly throughout my entire body. Right now, it only lasts a minute or two, but before it's over, I feel like I'm going to spontaneously combust. Darrell has laughed at me on one more than one occasion when I've leaped out of bed to start throwing off clothes! All my life, I've slept under at least a sheet. I have to have some type of cover. Not any more! It might not be so bad if it only happened once. But this friend is wicked and comes back again and again. The other night he woke me up no less than six times!

The other friend makes his appearance off and on during the day. Like right now. My hands and feet get so cold I can hardly feel them. My hands are cold up to the elbow. And I can't get them warm no matter what I do. It's like I've been playing out in the snow for hours without gloves or shoes. It's bone deep cold. Sitting on them makes no difference. I've even resorted to washing dishes to warm up my hands! That's true desperation.

Since they aren't as prevalent as the two above, I'll just briefly mention the friends who randomly make their appearance. There's Achy (who brings joint pain), Gassy (no explanation necessary), Puffy (helps me retain water), Sleepy (siphons off all my energy), Grumpy (again no explanation necessary), and Dopey (brings with it brain fog and steals my memory).

So, help me, girls, what do I call these new friends? Looks like they're going to stick around a while. I've found some OTC medication that's helping, but hasn't succeeding in keeping these guys away for good. Yet, anyway!!