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Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Cold Feet and Hot Flashes

For almost 40 years now, I've had a friend who comes to visit every month. I call him Fred. That's not his real name, but it's an easier name to say than his real one. Fred has never been very punctual (sort of has his own schedule) and I never know how long he'll stay. His appearance is not always convenient or welcome, but there has been more than one occasion when I was overwhelmed with relief that he showed up! Too often his arrival is painful; however, if I have chocolate handy, it's more bearable.

I have not really needed Fred for many years, but he still shows up. Usually at a time when I least want him around. I think he's starting to realize my antipathy for him, as he is beginning to allow more time between visits. Sometimes he shows up just when I think he's never coming back. Instead of coming himself, though, he's sending his friends. I don't really know their names, but I have to call them something, so I'm appealing to you for help to think of what that should be. Maybe if I describe them, that'll help you decide.

One of them steals in mainly at night to wake me up. I'm sleeping soundly when all of a sudden this slight burning sensation begins in my mid-section. Before I know it, that feeling has spread quickly throughout my entire body. Right now, it only lasts a minute or two, but before it's over, I feel like I'm going to spontaneously combust. Darrell has laughed at me on one more than one occasion when I've leaped out of bed to start throwing off clothes! All my life, I've slept under at least a sheet. I have to have some type of cover. Not any more! It might not be so bad if it only happened once. But this friend is wicked and comes back again and again. The other night he woke me up no less than six times!

The other friend makes his appearance off and on during the day. Like right now. My hands and feet get so cold I can hardly feel them. My hands are cold up to the elbow. And I can't get them warm no matter what I do. It's like I've been playing out in the snow for hours without gloves or shoes. It's bone deep cold. Sitting on them makes no difference. I've even resorted to washing dishes to warm up my hands! That's true desperation.

Since they aren't as prevalent as the two above, I'll just briefly mention the friends who randomly make their appearance. There's Achy (who brings joint pain), Gassy (no explanation necessary), Puffy (helps me retain water), Sleepy (siphons off all my energy), Grumpy (again no explanation necessary), and Dopey (brings with it brain fog and steals my memory).

So, help me, girls, what do I call these new friends? Looks like they're going to stick around a while. I've found some OTC medication that's helping, but hasn't succeeding in keeping these guys away for good. Yet, anyway!!


Charlie and Nicole Borders said...

It is so funny that you call it your 'friend' because I refer to it as that too, although mine doesn't have a name. Thankfully mine hasn't ever been painful either. I never knew why my sisters doubled over in pain and missed school, and I hope I never do. I am also lucky that I have never experienced morning sickness when the friend doesn't show up. I can only hope it stays that way in the future! Chocolate is definately necessary during those times though. I won't be looking forward to hottie and I've never heard about the cold flashes. Good luck getting them to behave with the meds!

Lauren said...

I was just wondering this morning when you would do a new post. Poor mom. How aggravating, especially when it keeps waking you up. I hate things that mess with my sleep. Good luck with your friends!

Marlena said...

That's just too hilarious...I mean, the way you descibe them!! HAH!!! Just walk around naked or in a skimpy bikini and wrap heating pads around your arms and legs....That would be SEXY!! Good luck!!!!

Our Family said...

so sorry! have you tried any of the herbal remedies that eva does?

SuburbanCorrespondent said...

I have to take off my shirt about 3 times a night. I wake up half an hour later freezing and put it on again. It's ridiculous.

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