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Saturday, August 6, 2011

Day Three...Bet You Thought I Forgot


Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.   This was hard.  There are two really big things, one semi-big thing, and lots of little things that come to mind.  I've wrestled all day with which big thing to share.  One day I may make parts of this blog into a book, and even if I don't, certain people may read this particular post and recognize themselves, and I want them to know how sorry I am.  Hopefully, they will understand.  I'm not going to use names or be specific about some things, just because this isn't entirely my story to tell.  If innocent parties weren't involved, I would be more forthcoming.

I need to forgive myself for not calling Child Services on someone I love.  Because I love this person, I kept praying for them and hoping they'd change and mainly turning a blind eye when I shouldn't have.  I should have called when I would visit and not be allowed inside.  Or when I was allowed inside, but not beyond the living room.   When I could see the filth and mess everywhere--dirty dishes, old food, overflowing trashcans, nasty diapers, etc.  And I would leave knowing children lived there.  I should have called when I'd go into the kitchen, open the cupboards or fridge and find little or no food.  I definitely should have called the night I went over and found the 7-year-old had tried to make macaroni and cheese for dinner, since the mother hadn't fixed anything.  That same night, I found Pop Tarts hidden in this child's backpack.  It didn't occur to me until later that food was being hoarded, just in case.

I love these children.  I should have done better by them.  If I had it to do over again, I would be braver and do what needed to be done.  Regardless of the consequences.  The children deserved better than I gave them.

5 comments:

Lori E said...

Oh Beverly, I can see how much you truly do regret not coming forward. I hope they do forgive you.

6L's said...

oh, what a hard thing to let go of! (((Hugs))) i'm still thinking of mine....maybe tomorrow.

Connie said...

That is a very tough place to be in. I have been in a similar position before. If I could get to you I would give you a big hug.

EmptyNester said...

That is a tough position. I'm not sure I would have done any different. But you do give some good thought provoking words.

Sharon said...

Sometimes it so difficult to take the step we need to when a person we love is involved. We all have regrets and what ifs. The things to focus on is the kids are in a better place (guessing) and will be ok.

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